I thought the second trimester was supposed to make me super horny. Unfortunately for my husband, that has definitely not happened yet. I am feeling better - no more nausea, not as tired all the time, but still not very interested in rolling around in bed. I wonder if the incredible stress of having to have sex right-this-very-second-or-we-will-miss-it has ruined it for me? And will my libido ever come back?
But in general, there's not a lot to update - everything is going smoothly as far as I can tell. The paranoia is pretty much gone, though I do have my moments. I'm hoping that when I begin to show more, that it will feel even more real to me, and I'll feel even more secure that everything is going to be fine. Clothes-wise, I'm in a weird limbo phase where my regular pants are super tight and uncomfortable, but I don't feel ready for maternity clothes yet, so I'm just trying to scrape by with anything I can find in my closet with an elastic waistband.
Although it is much much easier for me to see pregnant women and babies all over the place, I still feel a little jealous of them. Isn't that ridiculous? Because, duh. However, a friend of mine just called. She has a 10 month old who was conceived on the second month off the pill. And now, an oops! She's already 6 weeks along and just found out yesterday when she decided to take a test since she just wasn't feeling herself. I'm glad that they don't have to suffer through IF but, seriously?
I feel like the fact that this is a pregnancy after IF is some kind of secret I carry around with me. We had friends visiting this weekend and I was talking to one of them who asked me if the pregnancy was planned. I laughed. And then told her the whole long story of how very much planned this was. She was stunned. She couldn't imagine, would have had no idea, etc. Sometimes I feel like I should talk about it more, about how it wasn't easy for us to get pregnant, just to try to normalize IF a bit. But other times, I just want to forget all the tests and doctor's visits and just let this be as normal a pregnancy as possible.
Sorry I haven't been writing more, but really, there has (thankfully) not been much to write about. Our anatomy ultrasound is scheduled for three weeks (!) from now, and I'm very excited to see him or her again and to maybe even find out what flavor baby we're having. My husband thinks it's a boy, for ridiculous reasons, like the fact that I have eaten chicken wings several times recently. Because, see, HE likes chicken wings, so therefore, it MUST be a boy!