Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Nuthin's shakin', bacon

I thought the second trimester was supposed to make me super horny. Unfortunately for my husband, that has definitely not happened yet. I am feeling better - no more nausea, not as tired all the time, but still not very interested in rolling around in bed. I wonder if the incredible stress of having to have sex right-this-very-second-or-we-will-miss-it has ruined it for me? And will my libido ever come back?

But in general, there's not a lot to update - everything is going smoothly as far as I can tell. The paranoia is pretty much gone, though I do have my moments. I'm hoping that when I begin to show more, that it will feel even more real to me, and I'll feel even more secure that everything is going to be fine. Clothes-wise, I'm in a weird limbo phase where my regular pants are super tight and uncomfortable, but I don't feel ready for maternity clothes yet, so I'm just trying to scrape by with anything I can find in my closet with an elastic waistband.

Although it is much much easier for me to see pregnant women and babies all over the place, I still feel a little jealous of them. Isn't that ridiculous? Because, duh. However, a friend of mine just called. She has a 10 month old who was conceived on the second month off the pill. And now, an oops! She's already 6 weeks along and just found out yesterday when she decided to take a test since she just wasn't feeling herself. I'm glad that they don't have to suffer through IF but, seriously?

I feel like the fact that this is a pregnancy after IF is some kind of secret I carry around with me. We had friends visiting this weekend and I was talking to one of them who asked me if the pregnancy was planned. I laughed. And then told her the whole long story of how very much planned this was. She was stunned. She couldn't imagine, would have had no idea, etc. Sometimes I feel like I should talk about it more, about how it wasn't easy for us to get pregnant, just to try to normalize IF a bit. But other times, I just want to forget all the tests and doctor's visits and just let this be as normal a pregnancy as possible.

Sorry I haven't been writing more, but really, there has (thankfully) not been much to write about. Our anatomy ultrasound is scheduled for three weeks (!) from now, and I'm very excited to see him or her again and to maybe even find out what flavor baby we're having. My husband thinks it's a boy, for ridiculous reasons, like the fact that I have eaten chicken wings several times recently. Because, see, HE likes chicken wings, so therefore, it MUST be a boy!


Sarah said...

so glad everything is normal and boring! i feel the same way sometimes about being pregnant after ivf. i get this feeling that all the other pregnant women i assume i am one of them when i feel so not that way. i've always been very vocal about our journey in an effort to maybe help more people understand, but at the same time am enjoying feeling like this pregnancy is normal. it's a weird balance.

very exciting about the upcoming scan! i hope he or she cooperates and gives you a good show!

SaraS-P said...

I don't think the jealousy will ever really go away.

I share a lot (perhaps too much) about my struggles with friends and co-workers, but they still don't get it.

ultimatejourney said...

Sometimes no news is good news! I hope the little one shows off the goods for you :)

Anonymous said...

No news is good news! Especially when you are pregnant! I hope the little one cooperates and lets you see what flavor you are growing!

Ann said...

I know what you mean about the libido. Although, for me, unfortunately, it's kind of all the time. :)

I just read your archives, and saw what you meant about getting a BFN before a BFP. Your beta numbers (and anxiety waiting for them) also comforted me. I'm sitting by the phone right now, about to tear my hair out waiting for my second beta. Every possible scenario has run through my mind. Oh, the agony!

megan said...

glad to hear all is well!

chicklet said...

Glad to see everything's going well. Good luck with your scan:-)

Karen said...

I'm really glad that things are going so well for you. And I don't think it's a bit weird to still be jealous of pregnant women. I'm pregnant with triplets, for crying out loud, and I'm STILL plagued with jealousy for all the pregnant women I'm surrounded by... why do THEY get to have normal pregnancies? Why did THEY get to just decide to be pregnant and do it? Why did THEY get to have "oops" pregnancies? It's totally normal, really.

Good luck with the anatomy scan... please let us know how it goes and don't leave us hanging so long next time!