Joy and Pain, Sunshine and Rain

Sadly, Grammy passed away yesterday morning. She was in bed with my grandfather, and when the nurse went to check on her early in the morning, she had no heartbeat. When my aunt arrived, my grandfather was upset, saying that she was supposed to die in his arms. So she got him back into bed, told him that perhaps she had not died just yet, put his arms around her, and he was able to be at peace with the thought that she was in his arms as she died. It makes me cry so much thinking about what that scene must have looked like and I am so grateful that my very loving aunt even had the presence of mind to allow him that moment. The funeral is tomorrow morning, so we're heading to Boston tonight.

My grandmother was an incredible person. She had six children. My father, the fourth child, was born 10 months after the aforementioned aunt. What they were doing having sex a month after birth with a newborn and two toddlers running around is beyond me! She managed to hold out after my dad was born, since my uncles after him came 6 and 11 years later. The funny thing is that my grandmother always claimed that my father was an ectopic pregnancy. Clearly, that's medically impossible, but I'm curious as to what the real story was.

Growing up, we lived about an hour from my grandparents, so I was fortunate to know them well and have very many fond memories. Grammy was known for her amazing chocolate chip cookies, for which my cousin and I got in trouble for sneaking from the fridge. And I'll always chuckle at her admonishment that I would always regret the fact that I had double pierced one of my ears when I was 16. She and my grandfather celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary at our wedding two years ago, and were even able to dance at the reception, which was wonderful.

I will really miss her, but am comforted by the fact that she's now pain-free and is at peace. Two days before she died, she woke up from the deep sleep/semi-coma state she had been in and out of and really wanted to get her hair done. She was convinced that she was heading to a party. The nurses were able to get her into a wheelchair and downstairs to the hair salon. Amazing. If only we could all pass into death feeling as though we were going to a party!

And then, this afternoon, I had my first ultrasound. The baby measured about 6w1d and there was a little heart flickering away on the screen. The juxtaposition of my grandmother's heart stopping beating yesterday and then seeing this little heart today is almost too much to bear. Life really is miraculous, and there is so, so much more to this universe than we will ever understand.