I don't have a whole lot to say. Seems like I'm just living in this limbo state right now, waiting for the lap so I can feel like we're moving forward again. My RE told me we could try on our own this month, ha. It's hard to try when you don't really ovulate. I've been trying to convince my body that it ovulated these past few days. Even fudged my temps a little on fertilityfriend to get the line. And have been pushing my boobies to see if they are sore. They're not. And I'm sure I didn't ovulate. Why do I have such a crappy body?
I woke up feeling down today. I'm still bothered by a comment one of my friends made the other day. I'm sure you've all heard this particular brand of comment before. She was bouncing her 5-month old daughter on her hip, after telling me all about how hard/boring it is to be a SAHM, and then she says, "are you sure you really want one of these?". Actually, no. I'm just having the freaking surgery for shits and giggles. UGH.
I can't expect her to understand. She got pregnant the second month off the Pill. And I'm glad that she didn't have any trouble - I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But still. She knows all about what's going on with me. And she has another friend who's on her second IVF. So she could understand, a little. Yet we live in such separate worlds. I know I'm distancing myself from her. I can't help it.
"Are you sure you want one of these?" It just sounds so condescending. Like I'm some kind of desperate loser.
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Oh, I can so relate to the comments from moms about being sure if you want one. My friend (who has 1 child and is currently pg)told me if it didn't happen 'naturally' she wouldn't screw with fate. Yeah, that's easy to say when you got pg the first month off the pill, walk in my shoes for a few months. I really think the fertile world has no idea how this affects people.
I am sure your friend didn't mean to be insensitive- she just has no clue. But distancing yourself from her would be what I consider- self preservation. You could also pop over to the resolve site and give her the friends and family tips there. I was on a crusade there for awhile trying to educate the world about what is and is not appropriate to say. I still try it sometimes-- and occassionally it works. Not too often-- but I do still try. I often find it so strange the some fertile think that if you don't yet have one- you won't know what you are missing.
Yup, I can relate too. I've heard both the "maybe it's just not meant to be" and the "oh, kids totally change your life anyways - don't worry about it"
There is a link on my blog called "How to be good friends with an infertile." It links to another blog of a woman who has been through it all (and then some).
Her articles are so "knowing" with a bit of humor. Check it out sometime - I know it made me feel better.
Grrr, I hate those comments. As most of us know, we really really want one of those or we wouldn't be going through all of this. We want the good, the bad, AND the ugly, thank's for asking dumbass.
I have one co-worker who would constantly tell me I was crazy to spend so much money on kids when all they do is basically make your life miserable...she has two. Every time I mentioned something fun that my husband and I did she would say "those days will be over when you have babies". Gee, thanks for the encouragement! The thing is, we all know it's not going to be sunshine & roses...there are parts that are going to suck...but I want to experience those parts just as much as I want to experience the parts that will take my breath away, which I know will happen so much more than not.
They really, really just don't get it and I honestly think we'll be more tolerant of the "bad" things in the end because of all we've gone through. Maybe I should tell my friend that and see how it makes her feel...!
I agree with Tara. These "fertiles" need some education - they have no idea what we go through, especially if they fell pregnant easily. The words "In Vitro" are foreign and non-threatening to them, until they understand exactly what is involved. And sometimes we have to just be honest and let them know that remarks like that are unacceptable. Us Infertiles are far too accommodating with ignorant people hurting us and trampling on our very tender feelings.
"Oh no we don't want that! We just want to throw away money and do something fun during our spare time!" Grrrr. I wonder what she was actually expecting you to say?
Carrie, I'm sorry your friend said that. I know it hurts. It comes across as demeaning and condescending, though I'm sure that's not how she meant it. I have had the same experience.
Perhaps you should look for a support group in your area - a "safe" place where everyone understands what you're going through and no one will say things like that.
Hang in there!
Ugh. That comment is horrible. I've gotten it too. It's kind of like saying "being a multi-millionaire is so demanding - are you sure you want to play the lottery?" Give me a break. You can always offer to take her child off her hands. See how she responds.
The waiting is absolutley the worst part of the IVF cycle. It takes so long to finally get going. I hope you can keep yourself busy until the lap!
good luck.
A friend laughingly told me she thinks she is preggers because her uterus and ovaries are soooo sore...even though she has her period - but she has a friend who had her period for TWO MONTHS and was pregnant and you know her mom fell pregnant on the pill with two of her children...yadda, yadda, yadda...do these people need to be hit in the head with a stone before they become sensitive??
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